Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
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