then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
