I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
