What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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