Please don't use social media to get back at me.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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