Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Randomize
