I can't breathe out the right side of my face
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
