I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I could have mohawked her pubes.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
My vagina is very pro this idea
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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