The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
