Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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