just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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