I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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