thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
