hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
As shirtless as possible
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
