We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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