i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
