I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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