chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
