apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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