Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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