you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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