Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
