An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
