I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
