I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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