I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I am available for nakedness
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
