i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
