well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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