oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
