Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
