Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
