party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
