she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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