Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
