I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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