The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
