There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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