is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
