Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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