i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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