He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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