whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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