Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
