the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
