I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Randomize
