the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
