Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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