If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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