As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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