You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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