Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
