Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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